Why I Started "Cheating" at Life (And You Should Too)
How midlife taught me to break the rules and walk my own path
Walk Your Own Camino
Hey friend,
Before we left for Spain, I had it all planned out.
We'd walk 25-30km per day like the "serious" pilgrims. We'd carry our full packs like "real" Camino walkers. We'd stay in albergues (shared hostels) to have the "authentic" experience.
I had researched what other people did. I had watched the YouTube videos. I knew the "right" way to walk the Camino.
By Day 7, I was miserable.
When the "Right" Way Goes Wrong
Those first six days nearly broke me.
We'd stagger into our accommodation after 31km, completely exhausted. My husband offered to carry my pack in front as well as his pack on the back - I was that exhausted that I could barely move one foot in front of the other. I'd be so depleted that we'd both turn grumpy, snapping at each other instead of enjoying the achievement. My 7kg pack was aggravating an old lower back injury, and sleeping in rooms with 10+ strangers meant I couldn't get the recovery time I desperately needed.
I'd lie there at night, listening to the symphony of snores around me, feeling like a failure thinking…
…Real pilgrims don't need private rooms. Proper Camino walkers carry their own packs. I should be able to handle 30km like everyone else.
Then came the moment that changed everything.
The Three Changes That Saved My Camino
Change #1: Our Daily Distance
After a particularly brutal 31km day that left us both exhausted and irritable, Noel and I looked at each other and said: "This isn't working."
We made the decision to cap our days at 24km maximum. Some pilgrims would stride past us with their longer distances, but you know what? We started enjoying our afternoons again. We had energy to notice the wildflowers, to chat with other walkers, to actually experience the places we were walking through.
Change #2: Bag Transport
The decision to use bag transport was harder. I could feel the judgement from other pilgrims—that slight look when they saw our small daypacks. The unspoken message was clear: If you're not carrying everything, you're not doing the Camino properly.
But my lower back was screaming after five hours with 7kg on my shoulders. The bag transport service (where someone picks up your bag each morning and delivers it to your next accommodation) was a game-changer. Suddenly, I could walk without pain. I could focus on the journey instead of just surviving it.
Change #3: Private Rooms
This was the hardest adjustment to make peace with. We'd planned to use albergues for the "authentic" experience, with the occasional private room for rest days.
But I discovered something about myself: I need downtime to process. After walking for hours, I need to lie on a bed and just... be quiet. In a room with 12 other people, there's no space for that kind of recovery. We started to include private rooms as well as hostels, and I now had the energy to engage with fellow pilgrims over dinner and to look around the village in the evening instead of collapsing exhausted on my bunk bed.
Each change felt like admitting defeat. Each change was actually choosing wisdom.
The Judgement Was Real (And So Was My Choice)
I won't sugarcoat this—some pilgrims did look down on our choices. I heard the comments about bag transport being "cheating." I saw the raised eyebrows when we headed to our private room while others queued for the shared bathrooms.
For a few days, I felt defensive. Embarrassed. Like I wasn't doing it "right."
Then I realised: This is my Camino.
Those other pilgrims weren't walking with my lower back. They weren't dealing with my need for quiet processing time. They weren't navigating my energy levels or my marriage dynamics or my personal relationship with exhaustion.
I had to change my expectations and accept that others wouldn't approve—and somehow be okay with that.
What This Means for Your Real Life
Since coming home, I've realised how much energy I've wasted over the years trying to do life the "right" way instead of my way.
In parenting: Oh boy, isn’t this a big space for comparison to happen! I thought the right way to parent was a program called “Growing Kids God’s Way”. The title itself implied that if you parented any other way, you weren't doing it right.
In finances: I compared our mortgage timeline to friends who earned more or didn’t have time out of the work force home-schooling, instead of celebrating our steady progress.
In midlife: I assumed I should have it all figured out by 55, when actually this season is about exploration and becoming.
Sound familiar?
Maybe you're judging yourself because:
Your adult children don't visit as often as your friend's do
You haven't bounced back from grief/divorce/redundancy as fast as you "should"
You need more rest/support/time than others seem to
Your version of success looks different from what you see around you
You are not healing or coming back from injury as fast as others
Your Three Permission Slips
Permission #1: Adjust Your Pace Maybe everyone else is sprinting through midlife changes, but you need to walk at 24km instead of 30km. That's not failure—that's wisdom. It’s not the destination that matters in the end, it’s the journey.
Permission #2: Get the Support You Need If you need therapy, or a cleaner, or bag transport, or whatever equivalent makes your journey sustainable—get it. Someone else's opinion of your choices is none of your business.
Permission #3: Choose What Serves You You don't owe anyone an "authentic" experience if it's making you miserable. Private rooms, flexible work weeks, saying no to family obligations—if it gives you energy for what matters, it's the right choice.
The View From Here
Those three changes didn't diminish my Camino—they saved it.
We reached the destination, Santiago de Compostela. We had meaningful conversations with fellow pilgrims. We saw stunning landscapes and experienced awesome moments. We came home transformed.
None of that would have happened if I'd stuck to the "right" way.
The same is true for your life. When you stop trying to do midlife like everyone else and start doing it like you, everything changes. You find your rhythm. You discover what actually works. You create a life that fits your values instead of performing someone else's version of success.
A Question for You
Where in your life are you exhausting yourself trying to do things the "right" way instead of your way?
What would change if you gave yourself permission to:
Walk at your own pace
Ask for the support you need
Choose what serves your energy instead of what looks impressive
Hit reply and tell me ( share in the comments section) —I read every response and would love to hear where you need to give yourself permission.
You don't need anyone else's approval to live your life in a way that honours your energy, your values, and your circumstances.
Walk your own Camino/life friend. It's the only one that will get you where you need to go.
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With love,
Rachel x
P.S. In my next letter, I'll tell you about the most important lesson the Camino taught me about looking backwards instead of always focusing on the destination ahead. Sometimes the view behind you reveals just how strong you've become.
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