Permission to Not Have It All Figured Out
What God taught me through a poet about unanswered questions
Hey friend,
Day 24 on the Camino: I was enjoying the rest day in Leon, in a private room, feet throbbing, staring at the ceiling. The weight of my unanswered questions felt heavier than my backpack had the previous day.
Should I leave my accounting job?
Where do I want to live now that my sons are fully independent?
What kind of work would actually fulfil me?
How do I redesign my life around what I actually want?
I'd carried these questions with me from New Zealand, thinking that 800 kilometres of walking would magically deliver the answers. But there I was, halfway through, and the questions felt bigger, not smaller.
Frustrated and exhausted, I found myself praying: "God, please just show me what to do. Give me some answers. I'm tired of not knowing."
That's when I picked up my phone and opened the Camino book I'd been reading (“Returning From Camino” by Alexander John Shaia). This quote by Rainer Maria Rilke (Austrian poet) practically jumped off the screen:
"I would like to beg you, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves... Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Wow! That’s it!
The Divine Timing of the Right Words
It wasn't the answer I'd been demanding. It was something better, permission to stop demanding answers.
Here I was, asking God for a roadmap, and instead I received an invitation to trust the journey itself. To love my questions instead of fighting them. To live fully even while holding uncertainty.
That moment shifted everything for me.
Permission to Not Know
Back home, I'd been paralysed by not having clear answers. I thought I needed a complete life plan before I could take any steps forward. But God seemed to be saying through that quote: you can live fully while holding questions.
In fact, the questions themselves might be the pathway to becoming who you're meant to be.
Think about it, when did you last give yourself permission to not have it all figured out? When did you last take action without knowing exactly where it would lead?
We've been taught that certainty equals safety. But in midlife, I'm learning that certainty can also equal stagnation.
Living the Questions
What does it mean to "live the questions"? For me, it means:
Taking the next right step without needing to see the whole plan
Allowing uncertainty to coexist with forward movement
Trusting that clarity comes through action, not just thinking
Being okay with "I don't know yet" as a perfectly valid answer
Believing that God's timing includes the waiting and wondering
Since returning from the Camino, I still don't have all my big life questions answered. But I've started painting and creating again. I've joined a walking group. I'm returned to writing these letters to you. Each small action is teaching me something new about who I am and what I want.
The questions are still there, but there's less anxiety about knowing everything now—I'm trusting that I will know at some point soon.
Your Turn: What Questions Are You Carrying?
Maybe you're wrestling with your own big questions:
What do I want my life to feel like in this next chapter?
How do I find work that matters to me?
What does authentic living look like at this stage?
How do I let go of who I thought I should be?
Here's what I've learned: You don't need the answers to begin. You just need the courage to live with the questions.
💬I want to hear from YOU
Speaking of questions—I have some for you! I'm planning the next phase of Becoming You and would love your input. This will literally shape what I create for our community.
Quick Survey: Help Me Serve You Better
(Please take 3 minutes to help me understand what resonates most with you)
Please help a girl out - it takes under 3 minutes and will directly influence what I create next.
A Question to Live With
As we head into the weekend, I'll leave you with this:
What would you do differently if you gave yourself permission to not have all the answers?
Maybe you would start writing that book you have always dreamed of doing.
Or join that club.
Or learn how to ……(fill in the blank).
Or sell your house and move…(fill in the blank).
Let that question sit with you. You don't need to solve it—just live with it.
You're braver than you think, and you already have everything you need to take the next step.
Ready to Go Deeper Together?
If these letters resonate with you, I want to invite you to join me in The Becoming Room—the paid tier of this newsletter which officially launched in August 2025.
For just $5USD per month (that's about the cost of a fancy coffee), you'll receive:
✨ Monthly Becoming Guide: a downloadable PDF that takes the month's lessons and midlife insights and gives you gentle practices, reflection prompts, and step-by-step actions to implement them in your own life
✨ Behind-the-Scenes Stories: the real, unfiltered stories of my own transformation journey don't share publicly
✨ Priority Access to future offerings like workshops or group calls
This $5 rate ends on 31st August. After that, it goes to the regular price of $8/month.
I know $5 might seem small, but here's the truth: I'm building something sustainable so I can keep showing up with depth, authenticity, and practical wisdom. Your support allows me to spend time crafting these letters with love.
You have to use this button rather than the upgrade button as this is a special offer for only the month of August.
If you're not ready for paid yet, no worries at all. You'll still receive these weekly letters, and I'm genuinely grateful you're here.
With love and questions,
Rachel x
P.S. That Rilke quote is now written on a card tucked into my daily journal. Sometimes the most profound guidance comes not as answers, but as permission to embrace the questions themselves.
What question is calling to you right now? Hit reply and share—I read every response and often share insights (anonymously) in future letters.
Don't forget to take the survey above—your input will directly shape what comes next for our community.